Turdle Stirfry Served on the Half-Shell

 2 ea Fully grown Turdles (live)

 1/4 c Chopped Side Bacon (3 strips)

 1 c Chopped Onion

 1 c Sliced Carrots

 1 c Bok Choi

 1 c Broccoli

 1/2 c Snow Peas

 4 tbs Soy Sauce

 1/4 c Hoy Sin Sauce

 1/2 tsp Sugar

 2 tbs Sesame seed oil

 1/8 c Sliced Almonds

 3 pkg Raman Noodles

 Turdle Prep

 Prepare live Turdles by removing the claws with a hammer and chisel.Simply strike each digit in a downward motion with the chisel just above the knuckle. Don't worry about any sounds or movements the Turdles make, these are involuntary. Discard the claws.

  Bring a large pot of water to a boil. It is important that you perform this next step while the Turdle is still alive. So you may want to get the water boiling before you start chopping in step 1. Carefully and slowly lower each Turdle into the boiling water tail first. This may cause the Turdle to react as if in distress. Again, please ignore this. Turdles are like lobsters, unable to feel pain due to their underdeveloped brains.

Once the Turdle has boiled for 2 minutes, remove it from the water. As the shell of the Turdle offers considerable thermal protection, they may still be alive. So much the better!

  For this next step, you need to have a helper. We need to peel the shell off the back of the Turdle. Once the Turdle has cooled, have one person hold the shell, and the other person can hold the bottom plate. Both of you should pull as hard as you can and the connective tissue that has been weakened by the boiling water should release and the shell should peel right off. Clean the shell thoroughly and set aside for later.

  Use a sharp knife to slice the meat off of the back and along the sides of each Turdle. You should now be left with a boneless piece of flesh resembling the size and shape of 4 small chicken breasts.

  Slice the meat into finger sized strips. Place them in a ziplock bag and add half of the soy sauce and a couple of shakes of hoy sin. Allow the mixture to coat the meat and set aside in the fridge while the vegetables are prepared.

  Vegetable Prep

 Chop the carrots as indicated and either parboil them in water for 60 seconds, or for 30 seconds in the microwave. Clean the Bok Choi, removing the bottom inch or two of the white stalks and chopping up the rest into medium sized pieces.

  Cooking

Heat a large skillet or a wok to high heat. Add oil. Put in the marinated meat, and toss for 60 seconds or until the meet is nicely browned. Add bacon and allow to cook for an additional 45 seconds. Now gradually add the vegetables starting with the carrots, then the onion and the bok choi and then the broccoli - reserve snow peas. Toss the mixture for 30 seconds and then reduce the heat to medium. Add the remainder of the sauces and the almonds. Heat the sauces till they start to bubble. Add snow peas and sugar and toss. Turn the wok off and arrange the cooked raman noodles in the bottom of the cleaned shells. Divide the dish evenly between the two shells. Serve with warm sake.

 ---Note: If Turdle is out of season, substitute three large or four small chicken breasts.